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Hex's advice for finding a good mentor

I have been asked the question of what I think about mentorship and how one goes about finding a mentor. My opinion is that if you so choose to have a mentor, understand that you need to have known this person for more than a year before having them as your mentor. Meaning you should at least be friends with them for a year or even have been a client of theirs for a long time. And I would say about a year because usually I can see how people are within a given year and given the situation that some get scammed of their time and money because they haven’t known this person and their quirks for long.

Another good piece of advice that I would give about mentors is that you shouldn’t feel scared to ask them anything. You should be receiving welcoming and inviting energy from them. Now I do in fact have a couple of mentees under my wings and I try to always answer their questions. Sometimes though there is a thing as asking too many questions. Because you’re not supposed to know everything all at once. Sometimes your mentors might hold back a few things from you if it means you might learn what is not needed or it might not be for you. Obviously you have the choice of doing research for yourself if it is something you still want to learn about. It is your life to do with what you will do. To give an example, I had a mentee the other day who asked me about something. And it was in regards to the path that they were going down. They had asked me what kind of path they are going down and why. Now I could’ve easily given them the foresight for that. However, if I had done that, I would have been a bad mentor. The reason for this being is because if I had given them the exact answer I thought the exact time. Then it would be like jumping over the mountain in such a short time without properly learning how to climb a mountain. It would ultimately be pointless in the end. Like if they just jumped straight into the middle of the pond. Without learning to swim. Which might be needed in future ponds to swim in. To further give insight on that; what I mean by that is there is a certain set of skills and/or knowledge that you have to learn when trying to find an answer. Now, If I were to tell them that path then who knows if they would have wanted to go down that path right then and there. It would be harmful to them if I were to give them everything they asked of me at that moment. They could have been displeased with my answer, and rejected something meant for them. Then alternate things could happen for them and it would just be irresponsible of me to not try to leave them in the right direction. And the direction in which it would be more beneficial and favorable for them. I do it only out of making sure that their safety is not at risk and to also make sure that they have a good life. Other than that I am very open to giving any answers that they would like. Now another good example would be if someone asked me to teach them to hex. However, they don’t know how to protect themselves or even cleanse. This would certainly put them in harm's way. Be smart about the kinds of questions you bring to your mentor. Be responsible and acknowledge their answer and be respectful. So even as a mentor I have to be honest and I have to also make sure I’m not being irresponsible with those who I am taking care of. I try my best to acknowledge my mistakes and I also try my best to make sure that they also acknowledge their mistakes. Now I am very much open to having folks that would want to be my mentees. However, given at this time. My time is very short. Basically, I don’t have enough time in the day to thoroughly give you lessons or to give you a lot. And for some mentors that is OK. Mainly what you want out of your mentor is to have a good relationship. Along with understanding knowledge that they have. So if you would like to be my mentee, please make sure I am someone you like and someone you have the same views about. Otherwise, best of luck to those who would like to be my mentee. I’m a busy bitch.

So in a sense. Being a mentor is a lot of work in my opinion. It is also a lot of responsibility. You can absolutely have a mentor who is also a mentee under someone else. And you can also absolutely have someone as a mentor who is younger than you. Sometimes there are people out there who know more than you. Isn’t that crazy. Now, if you feel some indifference or even friction between you and your mentor, discuss that with them. And if you feel as if your views don’t align with your mentor, then it is OK to close off that relationship and move along. I have also seen that within the community a lot of people become mentees or students under people who are not only irresponsible, arrogant, and even foul. But those very same mentors are the same ones that have allegations of being in a cult and dragging people along with them. They will fear monger you or they will even make you feel inferior. They can even embarrass you. And with that, it’s very much only in a way to control you. I have seen many people fall victim to being in a cult. While also not knowing that their mentors are actually just abusing them. And they are also giving misinformation which harms the person again and again. So if you feel as if your mentor is someone who you are afraid of. Someone who you have to walk on eggshells with. Then perhaps that mentor isn’t for you. Perhaps you should take a bit of a reflection. And stay away from them. Or you can even try to discuss the issues with them and if they become defensive. Where they try to reflect the blame onto you or even try to put you down. Or if they even try to become nasty with you after you just were trying to look for a discussion about their behaviors. Then you need to immediately stop talking to them. Now I have seen a model called the B.I.T.E model. ( as shown below)

Given with that information. You can clearly see that I advocate for good mentors. And I try to do my best to check up on my mentees from time to time. Especially when I’m not busy. I am a very busy person with a lot of things to do. I try my best to make sure they have all that they need. Also I want to give this brief quick information. If your mentor is doing this for free. Be grateful for them because they could be doing something else and they could also be charging you. Some mentors aren’t nice about doing things for free. Because that is their time and to them you could just be another stranger. Be kind and be respectful of the time and effort that your mentors gave you. As well as making sure that you show some appreciation from time to time. Especially if they are doing the work for you for free. Now if you have any questions or concerns. You may ask them below. Make sure to login to be able to ask your concerns or questions. If I have made a mistake or my viewpoint may seem distorted. Correct me! I am all ears for all types of viewpoints and responses. Except for harmful ones. Thank you for reading. Have a great day.

P.s IF you would like to be my mentee. We can have a discussion about that anytime you would like. But fair warning, I am busy. And I do have a wild social life. So if you are patient and kind. Then that gives me more of a reason to have you as my mentee.

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Alex Lopez
Alex Lopez
Jun 07, 2022

As one of Hex’s mentees, they are a genuinely amazing instructor all around. they are so thoughtful and genuinely care about their mentees. it’s been such an amazing opportunity for me and I would I would recommend it a thousand times over and if given the chance

Jun 10, 2022
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You are absolutely the sweetest. I appreciate you very much.

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